I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
