dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
