She is in my trunk
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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