i may or may not be watching the land before time
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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