dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
