i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
