Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She needs sedatives and a leash
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
