i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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