ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
