Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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