Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
now i know why i became what i already was.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
