Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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