Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
