margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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