i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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