just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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