Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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