I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Farmville is her only friend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize