i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
