you would pick up someone in the library
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
