I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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