im gay
i know
yea but for you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
