woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
