areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
