awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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