I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
