I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
