How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
