just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
