she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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