Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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