she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
