That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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