first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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