we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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