Don't you send me to vm
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
