I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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