WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
