Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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