Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
