i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
