I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
