dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
