you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
