You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
