what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
