happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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