you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
