I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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