Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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