What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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