Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
