it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
