Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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