The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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