the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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