508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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