If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
