paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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