Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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