My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize