If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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