I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
