sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
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