so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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