oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
