do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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